tinstar | Text Overflow: It's just a flesh wound

[As Raylan rolled into him, his hand slid up, his fingertips resting lightly at the base of Raylan's throat. When the kiss broke, he looked up at him, a little wide-eyed with relief and wonder.

You're still worth it.

He couldn't raise his hand much further, but he lifted his head to kiss him earnestly, his fingers curling gently against the side of his neck. When it broke that time, he looked like he wanted to say something, but there weren't any words in all of his Harvard education or extensive studies of human emotions and behaviour to express what he was feeling.]

[He didn't have to say anything. Raylan couldn't say anything, worried about what would fall out of his mouth too early, too soon, and invite things to sour somehow. So instead, he kissed Malcolm again with a little less intensity and attempts to beat away the dark clouds of thoughts with his presence and commanding attention alone.]

Tomorrow night, wait to slide into these.. Beds are for more than sleeping and screwing. [Not that they had yet anyway.] And I wanna hold you. Properly. Just for a little while.

[He breathed a smile.]

I'd like that. I... That would be great. Just... don't let me fall asleep.

I'm sure I can keep your attention, [Raylan chuckled as he pulled back so he could pull and bunch a pillow under his head as he settled back onto his side, arm staying tightly over Malcolm's center.

He took a deep breath as he relaxed and studied Malcolm's face. The wheels in his head were still turning. This was crazy, for him. He knew, could feel that Malcolm understood that, but he was still a little daunted by the emotional cliff he'd just jumped off of. Raylan could do one night stands, had done one night stands, by he liked sleeping by and with his lovers, the few that had managed to snag a little bit of his heart to keep in their pocket. This wasn't so different from any of those times, was it?

He blamed the newness of it for the exhilaration and thrill and warmth in the low of his chest everytime Malcolm smiled. He just had to get used to it. He wanted to get used to it but at the same time, not at all.]

[Speaking of smiles, that pulled one, wide and warm and full of affection as he conceded] Yeah, I imagine you can. [Some of the tension in his body eased out and he slid a little closer against Raylan, turning partly onto his side for more skin to skin contact, settling his head into his pillow. His voice already had a note of drowsiness in it when he spoke again.] I can teach you how to throw axes tomorrow, if you want. If there's time. If you have an axe.

[That was such a good look for his face and Raylan happily tucked himself closer with the adjustment, chest pressing against the line of his shoulder and back. He pressed a kiss to Malcolm's shoulder.]

There's always time out here. And I'm sure I can find an axe or two.

[ He brushed his thumb back and forth over Malcolm's skin a few times and listened as he fell asleep. For some reason, Raylan couldn't quite get his eyes to close and time crept by him without much of any notice as he studied the shape and breathing of Malcolm in the dark. Finally, after what felt like a long while, Raylan's eyes relented and he started drifting off himself.]

[Malcolm didn't ease into his night terror that night. It started with a jolt as he lurched suddenly towards the edge of the bed, straining at the restraints. He clearly would have bolted if he weren't strapped in. Held tight by Raylan's excellent taste in bolts, he swung back the other way, straight into Raylan, thrashing wildly and screaming as he came up against an obstacle and his subconscious found no physical escape from whatever was attacking him.]

[ There was no telling if his eyes had been closed a second or an hour - all he knew was that Malcolm was jerking away. His arm lifted a little as he came about, just in time for Malcolm to slam his shoulder into the center of Raylan's chest.

It knocked the wind out of him, but that didn't stop him from him from securing his arm and swinging a leg over Malcolm's.]

MALCOLM! [he half shouted, not putting any real weight on the profiler, but not letting him thrash wildly. It meant Raylan had to dodge an errant elbow, but it let Malcolm dictate their back and forth.] MALCOLM, IT'S A DREAM, JUST A DREAM.

[If he could find any other way to wake Malcolm without slapping him, he was going to try.]

[When he failed at twisting out of Raylan's (but not Raylan's, as far as he knew) grasp, he heaved a choked sob and began trying to push him away with his hands, just as ineffectively.]

I don't know how to help you. Let me go. LET ME GO!

[ If Raylan had thought the scream was bad, the choked sob would be defined as heartbreaking. Sliding his leg off, Raylan resisted the urge to let him go and shook him again.]

Darlin', its okay, Wake up, wake up, you're safe here, you're safe. No one is getting you here.

[The words came pressed against Malcolm's shoulder, since he didn't trust the man not to headbutt him in his struggle. It suddenly occurred to Raylan that his attempts, as kind as they were meant, maybe didn't help..

That was heartbreaking too.]

[The struggle stopped as suddenly as it started and he gasped awake, his whole body trembling, his eyes darting around like a hunted animal before they fell on Raylan's ear, on the firm line of his shoulder. He took a shaky breath, blinking against tears he didn't remember shedding and managing to get out one breathless sentence.]

Did I hurt you?

[Raylan didn't realize that his eyes were pricked glossy til he opened them again, but he was suddenly grateful for the poor lighting in the room. He wasn't entirely sure it was all over til Malcolm spoke and the sharp inhale he took in was uneven as he lifted his head and looked over what he could see of Malcolm.]

No. [Not in any way that mattered. He didn't ask if Malcolm was okay, he just unclasped the restraints.] Was it her? The girl?

[Malcolm nodded grimly. He didn't know why anyone in a bed with him would unclasp him right after that, but with his range of motion unhindered, he wrapped his arms around Raylan and buried his face in the marshal's neck, breathing in the soothing scent of him, clinging to him tightly, like a life raft on a choppy ocean.]

[Because he hated seeing Malcolm in them for the reason intended and frankly, he needed the desperate hug that followed Malcolm's freedom, rolling onto his back a little so he could actually use his off hand to complete the embrace that greeted him. His next breath was a little more steady but no less deep.]

It's okay darlin'. You're still safe.

[He needed to hear it, to say it as much as Malcolm might need to hear it. With a flash of premonition, Raylan knew that in the future, the weight of this would lead to a few wild errant private tears. There was no rush to anything; he could stay on top of Raylan and awake and secure in his arms.]

[Darlin'. Raylan called him that.

Just when he thought his heart couldn't burst more than it already was.

As his breathing started to get under control, he lifted his head to look at Raylan's face. The experience had upset him, but he wasn't angry. He didn't look fed up but pretending not to be, either. That was one he knew well. He pressed a kiss to Raylan's temple and to his cheek bone and then rested his cheek on Raylan's shoulder, soaking up the warmth there like a lizard on a rock, which largely gave him a view of Raylan's jaw.

Raylan's jaw was particularly nice; it was a good view to lay and breathe with, his body draped carelessly across the marshal's, an arm on each side still clinging to him.]

You sure you want to deal with this for more than a few nights at a time?

[Raylan shifted his gaze from the ceiling to Malcolm's half lit profile, not bothering to put on any masks or try to smile things away. Things were not smiled away. Closing his eyes, he leaned his head into each of the kisses and eventually onto Malcolm's head.]

Ask me tomorrow night. [It would become his Princess Bride's 'I may kill you in the morning'.]

.. Do I help? Am I helping? [He couldn't help but ask.] I can't slap you awake forever.

[One hand shifted from clutching his side to resting on his chest.]

Know how it goes when you're not here? It's the same, except I wake up and I'm alone.

[Sliding his hand up, he covered Malcolm's with his own, tucking his fingers over and into Malcolm's palm.]

I hate hearing you cry, [he admitted quietly,] I just.. I don't wanna make your nightmares worse by holding you.

[Malcolm's confusion was palpable. It hadn't ever occurred to him that someone holding him down could be different than the restraints holding him down or that there was some danger possible in the situation other than him hurting whoever was in the vicinity while he was unaware of who they were.]

....Worse? Worse than being trapped in a horror movie inside my own head?

I can't top what your brain puts out, but.. My arms, my weight.. You screamed for me to let you go. And I know that corresponded to whatever you were feeling but I don't want to make those worse when I hold you from thrashing. I don't know if I should.. let you scream- [Which sounded.. insane to him.] Or try to wake you up.

[ He needed to know. He.. needed the input from the other side, now that this wasn't going to be a one time thing. ]

[Malcolm swallowed.]

Scientifically, parasomnias are almost always inconsolable. The subject can't be woken up or... at least, not without much more difficulty than any normal sleep state, no matter how deep. [Talking about it like some random psychological disorder made it easier.] But... really the only actual danger in trying is to you. I'm almost always fighting for my life or trying to escape. I'm not capable of recognizing you in that state. But... [He wrapped his fingers around Raylan's fingers.] I like this part.

[ Raylan nodded, swallowing tightly. ]

So I don't.. make them worse then. [ Good. He could... he could work with that. ] I'm tryin' to figure out the best way but it keeps feeling.. situational. Like some nightmares might take more force than others..

Your brain must be exhausted by all that fear..

[He huffed a self-deprecating laugh.]

Yeah. That's... accurate. I.... bet you know what it feels like when you're coming down from an adrenaline rush. I feel like that all the time. Every night is a limbic system cocktail of adrenaline and cortisol spiking and then dropping. Couple that with rarely getting more than three or three and a half hours of sleep... [He smiled thinly.] Imagine how smart I'd be if my brain chemistry worked properly.

[He did.]

I'm sorry you've gotta deal with that.. And you're smarter than anyone in a room at any given time - you could take over the world if you slept a full night.

[Raylan pressed a kiss into Malcolm's hair with a deep sigh.]

Is it okay if you stay here with me? I've.. I've gotta doze or tomorrow is gonna be hell for me.. You can wake me if you need to..

Edited 2020-05-01 01:37 (UTC)

I'll stay for a bit. I'm happy to stay.

[He paused.]

Are you comfortable? [He lifted his head to look at Raylan's face.] Do you want me to move over?

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