tinstar | Text Overflow: It's just a flesh wound

[Raylan shifted his gaze from the ceiling to Malcolm's half lit profile, not bothering to put on any masks or try to smile things away. Things were not smiled away. Closing his eyes, he leaned his head into each of the kisses and eventually onto Malcolm's head.]

Ask me tomorrow night. [It would become his Princess Bride's 'I may kill you in the morning'.]

.. Do I help? Am I helping? [He couldn't help but ask.] I can't slap you awake forever.

[One hand shifted from clutching his side to resting on his chest.]

Know how it goes when you're not here? It's the same, except I wake up and I'm alone.

[Sliding his hand up, he covered Malcolm's with his own, tucking his fingers over and into Malcolm's palm.]

I hate hearing you cry, [he admitted quietly,] I just.. I don't wanna make your nightmares worse by holding you.

[Malcolm's confusion was palpable. It hadn't ever occurred to him that someone holding him down could be different than the restraints holding him down or that there was some danger possible in the situation other than him hurting whoever was in the vicinity while he was unaware of who they were.]

....Worse? Worse than being trapped in a horror movie inside my own head?

I can't top what your brain puts out, but.. My arms, my weight.. You screamed for me to let you go. And I know that corresponded to whatever you were feeling but I don't want to make those worse when I hold you from thrashing. I don't know if I should.. let you scream- [Which sounded.. insane to him.] Or try to wake you up.

[ He needed to know. He.. needed the input from the other side, now that this wasn't going to be a one time thing. ]

[Malcolm swallowed.]

Scientifically, parasomnias are almost always inconsolable. The subject can't be woken up or... at least, not without much more difficulty than any normal sleep state, no matter how deep. [Talking about it like some random psychological disorder made it easier.] But... really the only actual danger in trying is to you. I'm almost always fighting for my life or trying to escape. I'm not capable of recognizing you in that state. But... [He wrapped his fingers around Raylan's fingers.] I like this part.

[ Raylan nodded, swallowing tightly. ]

So I don't.. make them worse then. [ Good. He could... he could work with that. ] I'm tryin' to figure out the best way but it keeps feeling.. situational. Like some nightmares might take more force than others..

Your brain must be exhausted by all that fear..

[He huffed a self-deprecating laugh.]

Yeah. That's... accurate. I.... bet you know what it feels like when you're coming down from an adrenaline rush. I feel like that all the time. Every night is a limbic system cocktail of adrenaline and cortisol spiking and then dropping. Couple that with rarely getting more than three or three and a half hours of sleep... [He smiled thinly.] Imagine how smart I'd be if my brain chemistry worked properly.

[He did.]

I'm sorry you've gotta deal with that.. And you're smarter than anyone in a room at any given time - you could take over the world if you slept a full night.

[Raylan pressed a kiss into Malcolm's hair with a deep sigh.]

Is it okay if you stay here with me? I've.. I've gotta doze or tomorrow is gonna be hell for me.. You can wake me if you need to..

Edited 2020-05-01 01:37 (UTC)

I'll stay for a bit. I'm happy to stay.

[He paused.]

Are you comfortable? [He lifted his head to look at Raylan's face.] Do you want me to move over?

No. You're.. perfect where you are. [ The pause came with a little sigh.]

I like the weight of you. [ His eyes were already closed, voice husking with the threat of sleep.] It's crazy after only so many actual days with you but.. I think I'm fallin' in love with you.

[Maybe it was the lack of sleep, maybe it was the crashing high of his fear and emotions, but it didn't seem worth keeping to himself anymore.]

If that's okay.

[If that's okay. Malcolm was just putting his head back down when it snapped up again and he stared at Raylan for a second.

IF THAT'S OKAY?

He shifted to press a tender kiss to Raylan's mouth in answer.]

It's more than okay.

[He settled his head back down on Raylan's shoulder.]

...Is it.... is it okay with you?

[Mostly it surprised Malcolm because Raylan had expressed reservations. But maybe the fact that, despite them, he'd been drawn to Malcolm anyway should have made it less surprising.]

[Raylan cracked on eye at Malcolm, catching his reaction and the look on his shadowed face before he was filling his vision and his lips that Raylan fully lifted his head to follow, in equal tenderness, until he couldn't, dropping his head back down afterwards.

He felt.. better for the admission, however foolish it may or may not have been.]

You can ask me that in the morning too. Though the answer ain't gonna change.. [ Rayland tightened on him and he hummed softly.]

Just til I'm good and under, [he reasoned, quickly succumbing to the draw of heavy sleep with a subtle evening and softening of his breath as the silence set in around them.]

[He was 'good and under' pretty quickly, but Malcolm stayed there for hours, listening to his breath and breathing his scent. How was he going to leave when the weekend was over?

By the time Raylan woke, though, Malcolm was downstairs. His pill bottles formed a tidy line on the dining table and he was in warrior pose at one end of the room. There was even a smell of coffee. He'd seen Raylan make it last time and managed to find everything.

His expression was peaceful. The distilled essence of what had gone on the previous day had worked through his mind while he'd lingered in Raylan's arms. From the smallest kiss on the gun range, to the hot passion of the shed, to the comfortable companionshp of the porch, to the quiet declarations in bed. It had been the best rollercoaster of everything that had been pushed down in his heart after their night in New York.]

[Having slept a little later than he intended to, Raylan slipped on his jeans and followed the smell of coffee downstairs, rubbing his eyes as he went. Despite the interruption of the night, the weight of Malcolm on his chest had put him under hard, and he didn't feel or look terrible as he ambled into the kitchen, pausing at the door jam to watch Malcolm's.... lunge stretch was the best description that Raylan could define it with.

This time, instead of announcing he was awake, he'd just watch, and see how long it would take Malcolm to notice him.]

[Taking a deep breath that coincided with the movement, Malcolm shifted from Warrior into Triangle pose, holding there for a moment. It was as he shifted into Half-Moon pose that he opened his eyes for a second and spotted Raylan there.

He smiled brightly, still holding the position.]

Hi! I made coffee. ...I hope I did it right. I used the number of scoops it said on the package. Let me know if it's crap! I'll try again. Practice makes perfect!

[He hadn't had any yet; he liked to let his pills go down first.

He shifted to Downward Dog.]

[Raylan wasn't sure if he'd ever really get used to the sheer perk of Morning Malcolm, but it was effective at pulling a smile across Raylan's face as he moved in towards the coffee.]

It's pretty hard to mess up pot coffee. [ Didn't mean someone couldn't manage to mess it up anyway, but Raylan poured himself a cup, pulling down a second cup for Malcolm when he got done with his morning stretches, and took a sip as he turned around to lean on the counter.]

Might do an extra scoop next time, but it's still good. [He took another sip, as though to prove it.] How long have you been up?

[ He meant up and out of bed - there wouldn't be any more questions about how long or how well Malcolm might have slept. ]

[Still in Downward Dog, Malcolm lifted his left hand from the mat and turned his wrist out to look at his watch on the inside of his wrist before putting his hand back down and shifting into a plank.]

About... three hours. Today's affirmation was 'Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful'. Did you sleep well?

[Afterwards, obviously. After... all that.]

[Raylan lifted his eyebrows with a thoughtful bob of his head at the affirmation as he watched. If Malcolm hadn't offered, he would have asked, and the forethought of sharing was a sweet one.]

I think I know what it's like to sleep under a weighted blanket now. Hope I didn't snore too loudly.

[Malcolm laughed lightly as he pushed himself up to his feet.]

So what if you did? It's not like you'd be keeping me up. [Pointed out cheerfully as he padded over to press a brief kiss to Raylan's mouth.] But you didn't. Snore, that is. [He poured coffee into the cup Raylan had brought down for him.]

[He hummed a note of agreement, he supposed, smiling as he pressed into the passing 'good morning' kiss.]

Good. Did you explore the house at all while I was passed out? Dig through some drawers?

[Not that Malcolm would find much of anything out of the ordinary, beyond some random bullets, the deer rifle, and some more old photos. Raylan didn't think that he did, but even if he had, it would be okay.]

[Malcolm sipped his coffee and looked over at Raylan.]

I didn't look in any drawers, but I walked around. I mean. You were made here. I usually use that assessment to analyze how killers were made, but... the principle holds. Everyone is shaped by their childhood home. [He wrapped his hands around his cup.] My mother still lives in the house where I grew up. I can take you there next time you're in town, if you want.

[Fair was fair.]

[Raylan reached out, tugging Malcolm against his side by his waist.]

Mm, and what did this assessment tell ya?

Yeah, I'd love to see it. Assuming your mother lets us in the front door. [Especially after his 'assault' on Martin, Raylan didn't expect any kind of magnanimus greetings. Oh sure, the fake shine that Jessica drew about her when her smile was tight was something he was sure he'd get, but he was aware of the tracks he made.]

Nothing that you haven't told me. [But he got more of an idea what that looked like.

He was easily drawn to Raylan's side, pressing a kiss into his shoulder as he was tucked against him.]

She'll let us in. And she'll be a gracious hostess. She misses it.

[He hummed again. Good.] Part of me worried that you'd see something I hadn't. [In how it shaped him.]

I bet she's fantastic at it. [Raylan imagined that Jessica Whitly was fantastic at everything she put her mind to.]

I'm gonna have to deal with Bob sooner rather than later today... which might be better. Less time for people to crawl into bottles. You still wanna come?

[They weren't going now and Raylan didn't plan on going for at least an hour yet, but he liked a loose plan for his days.] I can find that axe for throwing that you mentioned for later too.

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