Raylan hums a note and walks them into the living room, where he carefully sits down with Maggie on his lap, sighing as he buries his face in her shoulder and just is for a few minutes.
"She's not going to be living with me the whole time, you know. Just 'til she gets comfortable. Til we both get comfortable.. S'like giving her her own hotel room. He doesn't need to tiptoe. He was here first."
"I wasn't worried," Maggie tells him, kissing his hair. "He thinks
you'll need a safe space, though, and that him sleeping downstairs with Jax
some nights would get in the way of that. Would it? Because I'd like to
know if the answer is yes."
"Course not," he scoffs out without hesitation, pulling back a little so he can look at her full in the face. "And my 'safe spaces' are behind any closed door. I don't need more than one to be 'safe' and I've got my own. He needs a safe space more than I do, if I'm bein' honest about my opinion."
He takes half a beat before continuing.
"Besides, I don't anticipate stayin' over a lot. If Willa sees you coming in or out of my cabin, she's gonna make her own assumptions. Those I can handle." It was the one she'd make with Neal that scared him. Willa would accept her father plus any attractive woman as 'normal'. He wasn't worried about 'normal'.
Maggie laughs softly, leaning in to kiss him. She appreciates Raylan so
much. "That's what I thought you'd say. I'll pass it along. Anything you
are worried about handling her learning, if I'm not on the list?"
He hums shortly into the kiss. Good. One thing solved. But Maggie's question was a good one, hitting a soft spot and making him wince.
"Her learnin' that I drink too much, that I might have a cigarette here and there. The Pot? Neal?" He nods slightly. "There's a list. You're not on it because you're the most normal thing to her about my life here. A pretty woman that may or may not like her father."
She hums agreement to some of the list, but one item stands out.
"She's young," Maggie points out. "And probably more likely than you think
to respond well to Neal. There's nothing more shameful about your
relationship to him than to me, even if you don't always feel that."
She rests her forehead against his. "Give her a chance, at least on that
front. And for the record, I like you a lot."
"Neal, the soft introduction to 'surprise, your otherwise straight presenting father was also married to a 1800's pirate captain for a year'," he says, sighing softly as he closes his eyes and lets himself focus down to where his and Maggie's foreheads meet.
"She's already pissed at me for Detroit. For how I apparently handle things there. Disappointed maybe instead of pissed, but. I don't know that I can offer up somethin' else for her to be disappointed in me about." He takes and lets another breath, thumb brushing back and forth over Maggie's side in a gesture that was more comforting to him than anything else.
"And sure as hell not as soon as she arrives," he huffs softly.
"Yeah," Maggie agrees, wry and quiet. "James seems like a more
likely point of contention, because a marriage is another thing entirely. A
big gulf of missed knowledge. That might blow up when she finds out, and if
you'll forgive me saying, it'll probably blow up worse if she finds
out in a flood or something than hearing it from you. This place doesn't
like to leave us our secrets. You've got a month or two before the next
flood, so you've got a little while to brace yourself and make that
decision."
Which isn't her point here and now. "But Neal isn't that. You're allowed to
want people who make you happy, sweetheart. And in my admittedly biased
opinion, that's a good thing for a kid to know about her father. She sure
didn't seem like you being bisexual would be a disappointment when she was
pumping Norton for information and asked if you have a boyfriend. I'm not saying you have to come out to her, but there is an emotional cost to staying closeted. And I'm concerned again that hiding things is more of a hazard to your relationship than sharing them."
Maggie was right and Raylan hated it. Hated everything about this situation, hated everything about himself that made it more complex by daring to explore himself a little more freely. Why couldn't things just be okay?
Was he allowed that? He wasn't sure. Not really, not if he was being honest with himself. Which he didn't like doing unless he had to, it was uncomfortable.
He hums a note, knowing he couldn't let the silence stretch on too far.
"She's mad that I'm not home more-" Apropos of nothing outside of him being a general hazard to their relationship. "Did you see what Fitz said to her? About bein' married to me-" He huffs a crooked grin. It had been a high point.
Maggie pulls Raylan into her and kisses his temple. One advantage of
sitting in his lap is that she can reach to do that. Ultimately, it's his
choice. She's just concerned about floods taking that choice from him
before he gets a chance to make it.
But then she'll laugh when he brings up Fitz. "I love him, but he is
completely fucking ridiculous on a regular basis. I enjoyed reading his
conversation with Willa, yeah."
He smiles softly at the kiss. It was sweet and he would never get tired of the soft affection. He, like his daughter, was hard pressed to ask for it, but accepting it from trusted people was never a problem.
"It's interestin' to see him bounce off someone younger that doesn't get pegged with so much 'You're an adult, sort your shit' attitude like he gives the rest of us. I'm gonna be curious to listen in to whatever other conversations they might have. Wish I could be a fly on the walls for the ones you'll have with her too, I'm sure."
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"She's not going to be living with me the whole time, you know. Just 'til she gets comfortable. Til we both get comfortable.. S'like giving her her own hotel room. He doesn't need to tiptoe. He was here first."
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"I wasn't worried," Maggie tells him, kissing his hair. "He thinks you'll need a safe space, though, and that him sleeping downstairs with Jax some nights would get in the way of that. Would it? Because I'd like to know if the answer is yes."
no subject
He takes half a beat before continuing.
"Besides, I don't anticipate stayin' over a lot. If Willa sees you coming in or out of my cabin, she's gonna make her own assumptions. Those I can handle." It was the one she'd make with Neal that scared him. Willa would accept her father plus any attractive woman as 'normal'. He wasn't worried about 'normal'.
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Maggie laughs softly, leaning in to kiss him. She appreciates Raylan so much. "That's what I thought you'd say. I'll pass it along. Anything you are worried about handling her learning, if I'm not on the list?"
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"Her learnin' that I drink too much, that I might have a cigarette here and there. The Pot? Neal?" He nods slightly. "There's a list. You're not on it because you're the most normal thing to her about my life here. A pretty woman that may or may not like her father."
no subject
She hums agreement to some of the list, but one item stands out.
"She's young," Maggie points out. "And probably more likely than you think to respond well to Neal. There's nothing more shameful about your relationship to him than to me, even if you don't always feel that."
She rests her forehead against his. "Give her a chance, at least on that front. And for the record, I like you a lot."
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"She's already pissed at me for Detroit. For how I apparently handle things there. Disappointed maybe instead of pissed, but. I don't know that I can offer up somethin' else for her to be disappointed in me about." He takes and lets another breath, thumb brushing back and forth over Maggie's side in a gesture that was more comforting to him than anything else.
"And sure as hell not as soon as she arrives," he huffs softly.
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"Yeah," Maggie agrees, wry and quiet. "James seems like a more likely point of contention, because a marriage is another thing entirely. A big gulf of missed knowledge. That might blow up when she finds out, and if you'll forgive me saying, it'll probably blow up worse if she finds out in a flood or something than hearing it from you. This place doesn't like to leave us our secrets. You've got a month or two before the next flood, so you've got a little while to brace yourself and make that decision."
Which isn't her point here and now. "But Neal isn't that. You're allowed to want people who make you happy, sweetheart. And in my admittedly biased opinion, that's a good thing for a kid to know about her father. She sure didn't seem like you being bisexual would be a disappointment when she was pumping Norton for information and asked if you have a boyfriend. I'm not saying you have to come out to her, but there is an emotional cost to staying closeted. And I'm concerned again that hiding things is more of a hazard to your relationship than sharing them."
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Was he allowed that? He wasn't sure. Not really, not if he was being honest with himself. Which he didn't like doing unless he had to, it was uncomfortable.
He hums a note, knowing he couldn't let the silence stretch on too far.
"She's mad that I'm not home more-" Apropos of nothing outside of him being a general hazard to their relationship. "Did you see what Fitz said to her? About bein' married to me-" He huffs a crooked grin. It had been a high point.
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Maggie pulls Raylan into her and kisses his temple. One advantage of sitting in his lap is that she can reach to do that. Ultimately, it's his choice. She's just concerned about floods taking that choice from him before he gets a chance to make it.
But then she'll laugh when he brings up Fitz. "I love him, but he is completely fucking ridiculous on a regular basis. I enjoyed reading his conversation with Willa, yeah."
no subject
"It's interestin' to see him bounce off someone younger that doesn't get pegged with so much 'You're an adult, sort your shit' attitude like he gives the rest of us. I'm gonna be curious to listen in to whatever other conversations they might have. Wish I could be a fly on the walls for the ones you'll have with her too, I'm sure."