It might be a lot, Raylan wouldn't argue that and it wasn't easy to handle a lot of the time but that wasn't near enough to make Raylan give up on him. He knew that saying as much wouldn't help; that others had told James the same thing and then betrayed that promise so Raylan wouldn't promise. But he'd try to hold to it regardless. As much as anyone wanted to help, it was James's path to walk. His decisions to make. And to everyone else; their own.
"There's no fixing what's happened. Those things.. you'll have to live with them for the rest of your life. What matters is what you do going forwards, darlin'. You've suffered enough punishment for all that and I know that doesn't do anythin' for your guilt-" He saw it there on James's face, heard it in his voice and the way his lips downturned slightly when it got tough. "- But you're not strapped down to that way of surviving anymore. You just have to get the rest of yourself to acknowledge that it's okay to do things a different way. I told you before. This isn't your ship. Things aren't the way they were. That's all."
Some people took to that change easier than others. Raylan was going to be here for as long as it took, and then some, if Flint would let him.
"It's all I have to offer. I have nothing else." It's only his experience, his knowledge. The only thing he has are the things he knows best. It's not his ship, but he doesn't have anything else to go by. He can't suggest or recommend anything else, only what has worked for him.
"It'll be enough, James. Accepting the way of this place isn't gonna make you less or stupid or useless. It's just gonna be an adjustment. A differently way of employing those skills you've spent a lifetime sharpening. There's a use for them in leadership. People management. You're just dealin' with a different school of fish."
James feels everything twisting around in his chest, tying him in knots. His negativity, guilt, and self-loathing deny it all and want to rail against what Raylan was saying. But he doesn't have the energy left to argue and he doesn't want to give those feelings any more breathing room. He's tired of people telling him this isn't his ship as if he doesn't already know that. He's tired of people misunderstanding and treating him like he isn't trying to use what he knows for this setting. He's tired of fucking fighting against the tide and bothering to give a fuck where no one else does.
He just wants his life with Raylan and nothing else matters. He finishes his whiskey and sets the glass aside.
"I don't want to talk about this anymore. I just want you." His gaze flicks up, pleading and vulnerable. He just wants to wrap himself around his lover and listen to his heartbeat, maybe take a damn nap or something to force his brain to shut off for awhile.
Raylan looks at him a long moment and nods softly, glancing down at their hands and squeezes softly. "Okay baby. You got me. It's alright."
He'd leave it alone. He wasn't going anywhere. Raylan unlaced their hands and slipped his around James's shoulders, pulling him into a side hug if there wasn't any resistance.
"Whatever you want." He'd absolutely be into just laying here together, just being, just comforting James with no other conversation. Raylan was willing and pliable and love James no matter what. They'd get through it.
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"There's no fixing what's happened. Those things.. you'll have to live with them for the rest of your life. What matters is what you do going forwards, darlin'. You've suffered enough punishment for all that and I know that doesn't do anythin' for your guilt-" He saw it there on James's face, heard it in his voice and the way his lips downturned slightly when it got tough. "- But you're not strapped down to that way of surviving anymore. You just have to get the rest of yourself to acknowledge that it's okay to do things a different way. I told you before. This isn't your ship. Things aren't the way they were. That's all."
Some people took to that change easier than others. Raylan was going to be here for as long as it took, and then some, if Flint would let him.
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He just wants his life with Raylan and nothing else matters. He finishes his whiskey and sets the glass aside.
"I don't want to talk about this anymore. I just want you." His gaze flicks up, pleading and vulnerable. He just wants to wrap himself around his lover and listen to his heartbeat, maybe take a damn nap or something to force his brain to shut off for awhile.
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He'd leave it alone. He wasn't going anywhere. Raylan unlaced their hands and slipped his around James's shoulders, pulling him into a side hug if there wasn't any resistance.
"Whatever you want." He'd absolutely be into just laying here together, just being, just comforting James with no other conversation. Raylan was willing and pliable and love James no matter what. They'd get through it.