[ The proud comment evokes a scoff-–nothing personal, Raylan, Roman just has to verbally confirm he’s cool and doesn't care about things like someone being proud of him even though they both know it’s false bravado-–and he shrugs. He keeps his body language loose. It’s no big deal. He doesn’t care, see? Just a thought he’s entertaining.
The giveaway is the slight upturn of the smile, the way Roman’s eyes are a little bit wide, a little sparkle of joy in his usual side-eye. ]
You know when everyone had people from home crawl all over the network?
[Even if Roman tried to not respond, Raylan felt it very important to utter the words. That and he'd spent more than enough time with the man to see the tells.]
Mmhmm - I saw you talkin' to your brother Connor. What of it?
Yeah. I mean, no, he's still crazy and religious, but yeah, he uh.
I kind of confessed--a little--that I maybe fucking love him.
[ Which is a statement in and of itself, and oh, jesus christ: he's said it out loud. He'd wanted to talk about graduating, needle Raylan about his daughter, but in order to do that he needed to explain why and his mind is going into overdrive. He calms it by draning half the glass in what he hopes is a casual manner. ]
[Raylan can't help the smile that crawls, slow and small, across his face. Saying it out loud meant a lot - brought life and reality into the little things people hid within themselves.]
Enough to wear his key since he left. [He knew. But it was good that Roman was in a place where he'd actually fucking admit it. That alone was such a massive progress. Roman had feelings, he needed to acknowledge and accept them and he'd been doing so well.]
How'd he take it? [Raylan was hoping for 'Good' of some flavor, hoping that it being taken well was the reason that Roman was considering taking graduation seriously.]
Oh, you know. Sung a bunch of hymns, sermonized, told me to get in the bathtub for a baptizing sesh. I'm born-again, by the way.
...I'm not. Actually. I'm kind of just bullshitting. Uhm--- [ --The other half a glass gets swallowed. Roman winces, buffs his cheeks out like it isn't expensive whiskey but like he's a small child holding in a fizzy drink until it stops being fizzy in his mouth. Bad choice with booze, but here we are. ] --Maybe it's sort of time I start taking graduating a little seriously. And if you wanted to, I'm just saying, like... You can...help with that... is there paperwork? I feel like there should be paperwork. You're my warden, right? What's my next step?
[Raylan leans forward and sets his glass on the coffee table, leaning his forearms as he fixes Roman with a soft but serious look.]
It's the one job that I've found with less than no paperwork. You admittin' you love Seed - don't make it gross- [There were Cum jokes there, that's wasn't his point.] and dedicating yourself to it is a good first step. I'm not an expert in all this but -
If you could skip out to John's world right now, is there anythin' that would still be chewin' at you? Could you be happy out there? Properly happy, whatever that looks like there?
[ Roman's mouth had barely begun to open when Raylan made sure his response was ultimately nipped in the bud, which is probably for the best and something that Roman finds himself oddly pleased by. He settles for smiling instead, a half-grin as he sets his empty glass down. ]
That's the other thing. Kendall's here. And Kendall's...
[ How to phrase this? Roman brings a hand up eye level and whistles long, starting high and dropping in pitch as his thumbs down gesture lowers like a bomb dropping to the ground below. ]
He's gonna implode. It's his favourite thing to do. [ Not because Roman's gone, although Roman will feel responsible regardless: Roman's just genuinely worried about his brother. ] So if I stay, then logically... Graduation? Say 'fuck it' and babysit like you do until it's all resolved?
[He hums a little note, nods his head a little at the bit about Kendall.]
If that's what you wanna do. I'm sure that Kendall will do better with his brother here, after that implosion, and its good of you to want to stay for him.
I'm-- You know I'm not really babysittin', right? I got lucky with you, you haven't tried to knife anyone or throw them over the railin', but it's still.. effort. To try an' help someone be a better human bein'. To care about them enough to really put in the attention and what they need. I've never just punched a timeclock.
And it's somethin' I think you can do, just like I think graduatin' is somethin' you can do.
[ Hmm. Roman's eyes narrow suspiciously as the other smoothly points out he's not a babysitter, though he does enjoy being singled out as the good kid. Eat that, bargizens: Roman Roy is a model citizen. ]
Maybe.
[ It's noncommital. Even if Roman's already made up his mind, his fingers are trying to pick at some invisible hangnail. He curls his upper lip for a split second before casting a glance over at Raylan. ]
I promise you Rome, if I knew some kind of cheat code to human beings, I'd've written a book and made millions already, even here.
[He grabs his glass again and sits back, taking a sip.]
Everyone's different. There's no.. no math equation, no chemical recipe to this. And.. Well, I mean, I guess some Wardens are better at it all then I am. They might have a different answer. It's about wantin' people to be better for themselves, not because I get somethin' outta it, that's all.
[ Raylan doesn’t have all the answers, and Roman blows a raspberry to that response and tilts his head back to stare at the popcorn ceiling. He wasn’t exactly expecting everything in a neat package of course, but it would be nice. ]
I guess… maybe I could be okay. I can read people. I know how people work. I can spank subsidiaries over a light lunch, why not make an inmate my complete and total feelings bitch?
Is that what I did with you? Made you my bitch so hard that you admitted that you love and care about people? Because that's not how I see it.
[It was a good starting place to point out why Roman was so wrong with that particular approach.]
Inmates are the ones doing the work, Rome, Wardens are just here to help give perspective and also to stop the more homicidal ones from tryin' to slaughter us all. I can't make you graduate. I can't talk you into it, in such a way. I can only help show you where, maybe, improvements can be made. Where points of views can be changed towards something more.. Well, Less self serving or self-damning.
[ Roman's eyes are so narrowed they may as well be slits, listening as Raylan talks. He's genuinely surprised he's actually, actively listening. Maybe hell has frozen over. Or maybe he's finally ready to try.
Jesus. Raylan's right.
Jesus, and that's exactly what Raylan's done, too, done shit like give him advice when he needed it. Steered him into the right direction. Helped the whole self imploding bullshit.
Ah, fuck. Raylan's a really good warden. Roman fights the urge to be contrary and burst out that Raylan's the most disgusting person he's ever seen, not because it's even remotely true, but because even his thoughts are far too sincere at the moment. Progress. ]
Yeah. .....Yeah. Yeah, actually. [ He's finding himself actively convinced, too. ] Well, shit. You're kind of a rockstar at this.
[It was hard to overlook the lack of contrary outburst. There was always more progress with Roman; like the curve of Justice, slow but ultimately still arching towards good. But Raylan had already told Roman he was proud and didn't want to devalue that by saying it too much.
Instead, he scoffs sheepishly at the praise and lifts his eyebrows in a roll as he bobs his head.]
I don't know about that. [His record here doesn't really reflect it yet and even when it does, other Wardens graduate their inmates so much more quickly it seems.. A hole he doesn't look often or long down at. He pushes up to go fetch that bottle he'd foolishly left.]
I trust you with teachin' my daughter how to use that sharp tongue of hers. I wouldn't be doin' that if I didn't think it would do you both some good. [It was one of the higher forms of Trust.
When he comes back, he gestures for Roman's glass and pours out a few more thin fingers.]
[ Roman's lips are thinned so much it looks like he's puckering, no doubt to make an extremely off colour joke. He seems to be actively resisting whatever disgusting thing he's thought of, though. For now.
For now.
He exhales loudly, nodding. Claps his hands and leans forward and taps at the table like he can finally use up all the nervous energy he doesn't realize he's been holding in. Yeah, he can do this. He can be a better person. or whatever. He can graduate and make sure Kendall gets back on his feet and then fuck off into the sunset with John Seed. Raylan thinks he can do it. ]
She's funny, by the way. Legitimately. All she has to do is coil herself in self loathing and she'll make a killing in the comedy field.
[With a fresh glass and the bottle near, Raylan sat back in his seat, huffing a breath at the compliment.
Good talk, he thinks. It felt like Roman was on the right path. Raylan wishes he had someone he trusted enough, to someone who had graduated someone, who could confirm his gut with data. Maybe it was better he didn't - better that he walk the wire of it alone.]
I'd rather she get interested in somethin' that'll put actual money into her pocket. Marine Biology maybe - I haven't asked her yet, I only know she likes my fried chicken and scrambled eggs. [Scared of car lights on her window. Got a synthetic heart valve she's going to have to get replaced.]
What do you think that Kendall's gonna need to get started in the right direction here?
[ Marine Biology? Roman's face says it all--mouth half open, brows knit, like he's just smelled something unpleasant. Why the hell would anyone want to look at the ocean long enough to study it? And underneath?
But Raylan's asked a serious, actual question, so he's going to let that slide. For now. ]
I think so. I think he's too busy throwing himself a pity party over something he's not telling me about to realize it, but yeah.
[That look alone was a good enough reason to back it. Yes. The Ocean. A place where she could only get into a specific type of trouble.]
I tried to get whatever it was outta him. He's a good dancer, if not particularly graceful about the steppin'. Might be somethin' Neal is workin' on - whatever it is, Neal'll have his back. Teach him the same kinda trust you learned.
Yeah. [ Roman sounds a bit defeated--he's begrudgingly agreeing Kendall's an ace at information avoidance because that's just an objective fact--but he'll accept Raylan's way of looking at it. He frowns. ]
How much do you know about Neal, anyway? You trust him?
I do, [He says it somberly and with a nod, and a sure look at Roman.] and I know a goodly amount. He's seen some shit and done some shit, but not all criminals are bad people. He's more in the 'eat the rich' or 'eat with the rich', not 'deep and unbidding hate and insanity'. He's gentle. Smart. Kind. Capable of being firm if he needs to be or believes in somethin'.
Kendall's in good hands. Neal will take care of him.
Yeah. [ Roman's watching Raylan carefully, studying his face as he talks like it's crib notes for a final exam, searching for any cracks. Any lies. He trusts Raylan, but for shit like this he has to make extra sure. He seems satisfied by the end of it, though. Frowns, but it's more to himself. ]
Kendall's fucked up. Like--Shiv is batshit, and I'm-- [ A fluttering motion with his hands ]-- but Ken's, like. Broken. Broken broken.
He's going to need someone to be careful with him.
I think if I try to outright help him he might take it the wrong way, and Neal's fine, but he's... Even if he gets the situation, will he get Kendall? Actually, actually? Like you get me?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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The giveaway is the slight upturn of the smile, the way Roman’s eyes are a little bit wide, a little sparkle of joy in his usual side-eye. ]
You know when everyone had people from home crawl all over the network?
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Mmhmm - I saw you talkin' to your brother Connor. What of it?
[He knew Roman was getting to a point. ]
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Yeah, Connor, and uh, Gerri, and someone else.
[ A pointed look. ]
John Seed.
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Oh yeah? He still a good thing?
[Roman could take that how he wanted and Raylan would specify if needed, but Roman did better with room.]
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I kind of confessed--a little--that I maybe fucking love him.
[ Which is a statement in and of itself, and oh, jesus christ: he's said it out loud. He'd wanted to talk about graduating, needle Raylan about his daughter, but in order to do that he needed to explain why and his mind is going into overdrive. He calms it by draning half the glass in what he hopes is a casual manner. ]
Just, like a bit. A pinch.
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Enough to wear his key since he left. [He knew. But it was good that Roman was in a place where he'd actually fucking admit it. That alone was such a massive progress. Roman had feelings, he needed to acknowledge and accept them and he'd been doing so well.]
How'd he take it? [Raylan was hoping for 'Good' of some flavor, hoping that it being taken well was the reason that Roman was considering taking graduation seriously.]
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...I'm not. Actually. I'm kind of just bullshitting. Uhm--- [ --The other half a glass gets swallowed. Roman winces, buffs his cheeks out like it isn't expensive whiskey but like he's a small child holding in a fizzy drink until it stops being fizzy in his mouth. Bad choice with booze, but here we are. ] --Maybe it's sort of time I start taking graduating a little seriously. And if you wanted to, I'm just saying, like... You can...help with that... is there paperwork? I feel like there should be paperwork. You're my warden, right? What's my next step?
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It's the one job that I've found with less than no paperwork. You admittin' you love Seed - don't make it gross- [There were Cum jokes there, that's wasn't his point.] and dedicating yourself to it is a good first step. I'm not an expert in all this but -
If you could skip out to John's world right now, is there anythin' that would still be chewin' at you? Could you be happy out there? Properly happy, whatever that looks like there?
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That's the other thing. Kendall's here. And Kendall's...
[ How to phrase this? Roman brings a hand up eye level and whistles long, starting high and dropping in pitch as his thumbs down gesture lowers like a bomb dropping to the ground below. ]
He's gonna implode. It's his favourite thing to do. [ Not because Roman's gone, although Roman will feel responsible regardless: Roman's just genuinely worried about his brother. ] So if I stay, then logically... Graduation? Say 'fuck it' and babysit like you do until it's all resolved?
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If that's what you wanna do. I'm sure that Kendall will do better with his brother here, after that implosion, and its good of you to want to stay for him.
I'm-- You know I'm not really babysittin', right? I got lucky with you, you haven't tried to knife anyone or throw them over the railin', but it's still.. effort. To try an' help someone be a better human bein'. To care about them enough to really put in the attention and what they need. I've never just punched a timeclock.
And it's somethin' I think you can do, just like I think graduatin' is somethin' you can do.
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Maybe.
[ It's noncommital. Even if Roman's already made up his mind, his fingers are trying to pick at some invisible hangnail. He curls his upper lip for a split second before casting a glance over at Raylan. ]
What's the secret?
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[He grabs his glass again and sits back, taking a sip.]
Everyone's different. There's no.. no math equation, no chemical recipe to this. And.. Well, I mean, I guess some Wardens are better at it all then I am. They might have a different answer. It's about wantin' people to be better for themselves, not because I get somethin' outta it, that's all.
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I guess… maybe I could be okay. I can read people. I know how people work. I can spank subsidiaries over a light lunch, why not make an inmate my complete and total feelings bitch?
[ Clearly that’s what Raylan meant, right? ]
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[It was a good starting place to point out why Roman was so wrong with that particular approach.]
Inmates are the ones doing the work, Rome, Wardens are just here to help give perspective and also to stop the more homicidal ones from tryin' to slaughter us all. I can't make you graduate. I can't talk you into it, in such a way. I can only help show you where, maybe, improvements can be made. Where points of views can be changed towards something more.. Well, Less self serving or self-damning.
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Jesus. Raylan's right.
Jesus, and that's exactly what Raylan's done, too, done shit like give him advice when he needed it. Steered him into the right direction. Helped the whole self imploding bullshit.
Ah, fuck. Raylan's a really good warden. Roman fights the urge to be contrary and burst out that Raylan's the most disgusting person he's ever seen, not because it's even remotely true, but because even his thoughts are far too sincere at the moment. Progress. ]
Yeah. .....Yeah. Yeah, actually. [ He's finding himself actively convinced, too. ] Well, shit. You're kind of a rockstar at this.
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Instead, he scoffs sheepishly at the praise and lifts his eyebrows in a roll as he bobs his head.]
I don't know about that. [His record here doesn't really reflect it yet and even when it does, other Wardens graduate their inmates so much more quickly it seems.. A hole he doesn't look often or long down at. He pushes up to go fetch that bottle he'd foolishly left.]
I trust you with teachin' my daughter how to use that sharp tongue of hers. I wouldn't be doin' that if I didn't think it would do you both some good. [It was one of the higher forms of Trust.
When he comes back, he gestures for Roman's glass and pours out a few more thin fingers.]
No matter what you end up doin', I support ya.
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For now.
He exhales loudly, nodding. Claps his hands and leans forward and taps at the table like he can finally use up all the nervous energy he doesn't realize he's been holding in. Yeah, he can do this. He can be a better person. or whatever. He can graduate and make sure Kendall gets back on his feet and then fuck off into the sunset with John Seed. Raylan thinks he can do it. ]
She's funny, by the way. Legitimately. All she has to do is coil herself in self loathing and she'll make a killing in the comedy field.
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Good talk, he thinks. It felt like Roman was on the right path. Raylan wishes he had someone he trusted enough, to someone who had graduated someone, who could confirm his gut with data. Maybe it was better he didn't - better that he walk the wire of it alone.]
I'd rather she get interested in somethin' that'll put actual money into her pocket. Marine Biology maybe - I haven't asked her yet, I only know she likes my fried chicken and scrambled eggs. [Scared of car lights on her window. Got a synthetic heart valve she's going to have to get replaced.]
What do you think that Kendall's gonna need to get started in the right direction here?
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But Raylan's asked a serious, actual question, so he's going to let that slide. For now. ]
I think so. I think he's too busy throwing himself a pity party over something he's not telling me about to realize it, but yeah.
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I tried to get whatever it was outta him. He's a good dancer, if not particularly graceful about the steppin'. Might be somethin' Neal is workin' on - whatever it is, Neal'll have his back. Teach him the same kinda trust you learned.
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How much do you know about Neal, anyway? You trust him?
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Kendall's in good hands. Neal will take care of him.
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Kendall's fucked up. Like--Shiv is batshit, and I'm-- [ A fluttering motion with his hands ]-- but Ken's, like. Broken. Broken broken.
He's going to need someone to be careful with him.
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[ God, how to even explain this? ]
I think if I try to outright help him he might take it the wrong way, and Neal's fine, but he's... Even if he gets the situation, will he get Kendall? Actually, actually? Like you get me?
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