"Mm, worried that maybe we crossed a line you weren't thinkin' about at the time. What we did, Neal.. I mean, that was some delightful debauchery. Worried you'd regret lettin' me in behind all those walls of yours. Worried that you'd kick me out of them."
It wasn't just the sex; it was the trust, the comfort, the security. The freedom of it and the perfect way they'd managed to fit with one another. The nightmares and the heartache and the tangle of limbs. Raylan's everything craved it. Easy. Uncomplicated. Not awkward. Where he felt he could just be without having to hoist everything up onto his shoulders to protect himself.
Maybe this would all bite him in the ass. He knew that was a possibility. But he didn't regret it because right now, it was everything of a balm that his heart needed.
"I definitely wasn't thinking about them at the time." He keeps his eyes shut, enjoying an echo of the closeness they got to linger in after that delightful debauchery. "I wasn't expecting to get as much as we did out of it, to be honest."
He really wasn't expecting it. The sex, first of all, but the rest of it definitely. Neal nests his face gently against Raylan's neck, stomach turning over a little with how comfortable he feels. "I don't know if I could get you out from behind those walls if I wanted to. I hope you don't want to, either."
Raylan's thumb starts brushing up and down where it sits on Neal's back, an unconscious gesture as he hums his agreement, quite enjoying the way that Neal fits so neatly into his neck.
"Don't worry, I don't. Quite comfortable back here, you stock good pillows. You're not alone in the surprise of range we opened up, but I don't regret a second of it." Just don't ask me about James.
He presses another kiss into Neal's hair.
"My door is always open if you need it darlin'. And not just for sex; I don't want you to think that's what this is." He didn't have any terms for what this was outside of 'friends with benefits' but that seemed too.. casual, too shallow for what they were doing.
"I don't." It's definitely more than friends with benefits. He's not sure he's ever had a relationship with anyone like this one, exactly, with the promise of no strings and the trust of something with a hundred of them. "And mine is, too. For the record. I'm not planning on hiding anything unless you want me to."
"No. No, I've done my time hidin' here. We're adults. You're not my inmate. I'm not ashamed anymore." Well. He was working on not being ashamed but sometimes it reared its head. It was always going to be a work in progress.
"It's okay." It was going to be okay. He was going to be okay. He hoped. "As much as I'd love to stand here with you, I think we got a meetin' we're supposed to be lookin' towards goin' to. You feelin' up for makin' that appearance?"
Raylan leans back a little and cups Neal's face with one hand, turning him up to look at him properly.
"Hey." Serious hazels flick back and forth between Neal's blues. "You're not alone. Speak up for yourself if you need to. No matter what's decided, we'll collectively figure it out."
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It wasn't just the sex; it was the trust, the comfort, the security. The freedom of it and the perfect way they'd managed to fit with one another. The nightmares and the heartache and the tangle of limbs. Raylan's everything craved it. Easy. Uncomplicated. Not awkward. Where he felt he could just be without having to hoist everything up onto his shoulders to protect himself.
Maybe this would all bite him in the ass. He knew that was a possibility. But he didn't regret it because right now, it was everything of a balm that his heart needed.
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He really wasn't expecting it. The sex, first of all, but the rest of it definitely. Neal nests his face gently against Raylan's neck, stomach turning over a little with how comfortable he feels. "I don't know if I could get you out from behind those walls if I wanted to. I hope you don't want to, either."
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"Don't worry, I don't. Quite comfortable back here, you stock good pillows. You're not alone in the surprise of range we opened up, but I don't regret a second of it." Just don't ask me about James.
He presses another kiss into Neal's hair.
"My door is always open if you need it darlin'. And not just for sex; I don't want you to think that's what this is." He didn't have any terms for what this was outside of 'friends with benefits' but that seemed too.. casual, too shallow for what they were doing.
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"It's okay." It was going to be okay. He was going to be okay. He hoped. "As much as I'd love to stand here with you, I think we got a meetin' we're supposed to be lookin' towards goin' to. You feelin' up for makin' that appearance?"
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It's not even about him. He doesn't need to be this anxious.
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"Hey." Serious hazels flick back and forth between Neal's blues. "You're not alone. Speak up for yourself if you need to. No matter what's decided, we'll collectively figure it out."
He bends and kisses Neal softly, firm but chaste.
"We'll talk later."