"When Will earn- Is he planning on staying as a Warden? I don't- I'm sorry, I don't get it. Why not use one of yours to do the same thing once he graduates? Why wait for him to go through the Wardening process?"
"Timeless and sometimes hellish and traumatic, where either of you could-" He had gotten a little too animated with his surprise, his subtle indignation that he didn't realize was spurred up and it was all cut short as Raylan looks away from the screen and bites down on his words, jaw working. No, he knew why that was his reaction. Fresh wounds.
"Okay," he repeats, visibly calming himself down with a breath and a brief moment of closing his eyes as he tries to cover it with a scratch to the inner top part of his nose/eye area.
"I'm happy you got plans figured out." And he was. He meant that. He just wished Malcolm would get to his happiness before he had to deal with what Raylan was. Like he could save Malcolm from it by convincing him of taking advantage of the now.
"No, Malcolm, I- look, it doesn't matter what I think. Y'all are going to do what's best for you. As it should be. I just hope y'all make that decision before it's made for you is all."
"No, he- He left on his own. I just didn't get a say in anythin'. It-" He lets out a breath, jaw working again but this time for a raw emotion instead of the anger that usually spurs it. "Just wasn't enough here worth stayin' for, for him, I guess."
Which felt like it proved that Raylan wasn't enough. That Raylan wasn't ever going to BE enough.
It was all such a larger conversation than just that. Easier said than done. He swallows thickly, and hums a note, nodding faintly like it was something he'd heard properly and would consider. He wouldn't. Not today. Not this week.
It was too soon. He'd implode.
It was the second time he'd been told he deserved better.
"Yeah. Yeah, thanks Malcolm. Look, I, uh. I gotta go, I'm late for feedin' the birds and I don't think they've forgiven me yet for havin' abandoned them for four days."
"No, I'll-" He goes to set it down, stops. Empties it down his throat and then sets it down. "Thanks for the coffee, little brother, and tryin' your best. I'll see ya later."
He had tried. He'd left his cabin, he had come out for quality conversation. That counted, right? He just couldn't do human anymore.
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"I'm happy you got plans figured out." And he was. He meant that. He just wished Malcolm would get to his happiness before he had to deal with what Raylan was. Like he could save Malcolm from it by convincing him of taking advantage of the now.
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Which felt like it proved that Raylan wasn't enough. That Raylan wasn't ever going to BE enough.
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It was too soon. He'd implode.
It was the second time he'd been told he deserved better.
"Yeah. Yeah, thanks Malcolm. Look, I, uh. I gotta go, I'm late for feedin' the birds and I don't think they've forgiven me yet for havin' abandoned them for four days."
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"Oh. Right. Well. You can take the coffee cup. I have lots of them."
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He had tried. He'd left his cabin, he had come out for quality conversation. That counted, right? He just couldn't do human anymore.