"We can, yeah. I don't know the process of doin' that, I suppose it's just asking. I've thought about it."
His jaw works faintly around the edges and he finally caves to getting himself a few fingers of whiskey.
"I dunno. Feels like it would be a betrayal to go home. To take that privilege." To face Willa with the memories he had of what he'd done to her here. It still haunted him, that terrible nightmare of a week. "Flint would worry too. I should be here for him."
"It's not," Neal says softly. "Not a betrayal. Not if you come back. People here might worry, but--"
He's probably overstepping. Neal fidgets with his glass. "When was the last time you reminded yourself why you're here? And I don't mean inside your own head. You have a reason for doing it. It's not selfish or untoward to take some time to ground yourself in that."
He stays silent for a long moment, turning the whiskey in his glass this way as he stared at it. Objectively, Neal was right. If Raylan wasn't in the position that he was in, he'd even agree. It was fine for everyone else to go home, to sample normal reality, but not him. It still felt wrong, somehow.
"I've been here comin' up on two years.. Well, in like.. six months, it'll be two. So a year and a half." He hadn't gone back once, so far.
"She won't remember me yet. Willa. If I were to go back for a visit. Still too young. Honestly, I'd probably just work - goin' back means I'm back on the Government's timeclock.." So clearly it was better to focus on what he was doing here. Get it done so that when he goes back, it's all taken care of. He could promise Winona, finally, that nothing was going to happen to Willa.
"Seems like a waste of the Admiral's power." 'A waste of the Admiral's power' is also what Raylan said about not having updated his cabin, until Fitz bullied him into it.
Neal taps his glass on the bar, both a demand for attention and a request for more alcohol. "It's not about whether or not she'll remember you yet, Raylan. It's for you. It's a... breath of clean air."
He hums a note of acknowledgment and takes a drink from his glass before setting it down and giving them both another few fingers of whiskey.
"I'll think about it, how's that. But I take your point. You find it a breath of clean air yourself? Even though, I understand, our positions aren't the same."
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His jaw works faintly around the edges and he finally caves to getting himself a few fingers of whiskey.
"I dunno. Feels like it would be a betrayal to go home. To take that privilege." To face Willa with the memories he had of what he'd done to her here. It still haunted him, that terrible nightmare of a week. "Flint would worry too. I should be here for him."
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He's probably overstepping. Neal fidgets with his glass. "When was the last time you reminded yourself why you're here? And I don't mean inside your own head. You have a reason for doing it. It's not selfish or untoward to take some time to ground yourself in that."
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"I've been here comin' up on two years.. Well, in like.. six months, it'll be two. So a year and a half." He hadn't gone back once, so far.
"She won't remember me yet. Willa. If I were to go back for a visit. Still too young. Honestly, I'd probably just work - goin' back means I'm back on the Government's timeclock.." So clearly it was better to focus on what he was doing here. Get it done so that when he goes back, it's all taken care of. He could promise Winona, finally, that nothing was going to happen to Willa.
"Seems like a waste of the Admiral's power." 'A waste of the Admiral's power' is also what Raylan said about not having updated his cabin, until Fitz bullied him into it.
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"I'll think about it, how's that. But I take your point. You find it a breath of clean air yourself? Even though, I understand, our positions aren't the same."