"Oh trust me Steve," he responds with a laugh, "I'm sure that all this is a threads width from fallin' apart, and we're not even gonna talk about deservin'."
It was too late for that; Raylan had been kicked from too many unexpected places to have any real confidence in things settling properly. The only time it settled properly was when he was alone and in a situation of his own making. If they started talking about deserving, Raylan was going to find himself in a harder spot and he knew it.
"Fitz is good at that though.. And.. James isn't.. my roommate, exactly.." He bobbed his head a little, ducking it with a soft breath. "If you know what I mean."
Steve lets out a breath that's not quite a laugh, but almost - although if it were, it certainly wouldn't be a cruel one. Maybe self-deprecating, if anything. "Isn't it always, though."
He sure feels that way, too, a lot of the time.
But then Raylan goes on, and Steve's eyebrows go up - and you know what? "Hey - that's great, pal." He reaches over and elbows Raylan (nicely). "Good for you. Both of you, I guess." He won't mention deserving again, but he still thinks it's true. So he'll continue thinking it, instead. "How long?"
The elbow earned an honest little huff of a laugh and another duck of his head. Getting that kind of friendly endorsement about it let the knot that lived in the bottom of his stomach loosen a little and a strange feeling in his chest.
"Few months now. I figure of all the people to tell, you're gonna be the least likely to judge me for it," he admits, reaching up to rub the back of his head. "We're not.." He gestures. You know. Out. They were working on it. "Also figure that shit moves so quickly here that holdin' onto a little goodness that'll let me is.." He took a breath and smiled softly.
"Not a bad thing." The look he gave Steve was warm and a little 'That goes for you too'.
Steve's lips twitch up into a smile that's soft. Understanding. He gets that - not wanting to tell people, not really being out. Bucky had been less wary about it than he had, but Steve had felt flayed open by everything that had happened to him by that point and had wanted something of his own. Something he hadn't had to share with people that didn't like him.
But he has always figured love was love, and it shouldn't matter what the person you found to love looked like under their clothes. And sometimes you can surprise even yourself. Even if maybe you aren't that surprised, in the end.
"Shit does move quickly here," he agrees, with a bit of a laugh. Jesus, does it ever, sometimes. But, "I'm - all right," he says, with the air of someone who's almost realizing it for himself as much as he's telling someone else. "Nobody knows what's going to happen tomorrow, but - I'm all right. I think... I'm gonna be living with B pretty permanently, myself."
He doesn't necessarily mean to be obtuse, if he even is. Raylan's a smart guy, and given what they're talking about, he might very well pick up on it. But it's still hard for Steve to come out and say when good things have happened. It's like the universe will hear, and get other ideas.
The easy smile Raylan was wearing spread along with Raylan's off hand, breaking into a grin. RAylan's enthusiasm for his friends being happy was genuine and very earnest. Happiness was rare and being in love was one of the best things in the world.
"Yeah?" He claps a hand on Steve's shoulder briefly. "Congratulations! If we were anywhere normal, I'd absolutely suggest a double date night-" He'd lived in Suburbia for a few years, he knew how it could work.
"-But without the actual goin' out, its a little less fun. Though a round or three of pool.." It was an idea.
That smile goes a long way to settling something in Steve's stomach; it's even a little contagious, because his own grows a bit, too. He's grateful he didn't have to spell it out, even if it seems a silly thing to be grateful for. But it also feels good to be able to tell someone. Someone he trusts not to go spreading it around.
The suggestion does make him laugh, trying to picture it. But he and B used to do things with Godric. Not dates, of course. But still. They haven't done anything like that in a long time. It would be... nice, he thinks. And actually pretty normal, even in a place that isn't.
Hopefully it won't blow up in his face.
"Being someplace normal is overrated," he says, glancing up. "But that sounds nice. Last time I was on a double date, both our dates were into - well. He was going by Bucky, back then. God bless him, he'd always try to find me someone, but it never went well."
That kind of personal security was something that Raylan understood on a deep level. Don't worry pal, he's got your back.
"I think we could work somethin' out. A picnic and.. Volleyball or somethin', I don't know. And there's no chance that B's gonna steal the stage of attraction, so you're at least safe there," he says with a chuckle. It wasn't that B wasn't an attractive man, or Steve either, but Raylan liked these kinds of situations because there wasn't that worry or competition.
It was a far cry from brunch and cheese and wine dates, the marriage fare, but he liked it.
"What do you guys not like doin' I suppose would be the easier place to start."
Steve offers an understanding smile - it's true, he's never been on a double date where all parties involved were actually going steady. Even when Bucky was, in the past, Steve never was. It sounds a little crazy, to do something like that now, but hey - what is this damn ship, if not crazy? And he thinks B might get a kick out of it.
"You know, I've never played volleyball," he muses, trying to picture it. "Could be interesting."
Although as for what they don't like: "I guess I'm not big on swimming," he admits, grimacing a little. "Beaches are fine, though - people play volleyball in the sand, right?" And Flint is probably (possibly, at least) pretty fond of beaches and water, he'd guess.
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It was too late for that; Raylan had been kicked from too many unexpected places to have any real confidence in things settling properly. The only time it settled properly was when he was alone and in a situation of his own making. If they started talking about deserving, Raylan was going to find himself in a harder spot and he knew it.
"Fitz is good at that though.. And.. James isn't.. my roommate, exactly.." He bobbed his head a little, ducking it with a soft breath. "If you know what I mean."
no subject
He sure feels that way, too, a lot of the time.
But then Raylan goes on, and Steve's eyebrows go up - and you know what? "Hey - that's great, pal." He reaches over and elbows Raylan (nicely). "Good for you. Both of you, I guess." He won't mention deserving again, but he still thinks it's true. So he'll continue thinking it, instead. "How long?"
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"Few months now. I figure of all the people to tell, you're gonna be the least likely to judge me for it," he admits, reaching up to rub the back of his head. "We're not.." He gestures. You know. Out. They were working on it. "Also figure that shit moves so quickly here that holdin' onto a little goodness that'll let me is.." He took a breath and smiled softly.
"Not a bad thing." The look he gave Steve was warm and a little 'That goes for you too'.
"How're you doin?"
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But he has always figured love was love, and it shouldn't matter what the person you found to love looked like under their clothes. And sometimes you can surprise even yourself. Even if maybe you aren't that surprised, in the end.
"Shit does move quickly here," he agrees, with a bit of a laugh. Jesus, does it ever, sometimes. But, "I'm - all right," he says, with the air of someone who's almost realizing it for himself as much as he's telling someone else. "Nobody knows what's going to happen tomorrow, but - I'm all right. I think... I'm gonna be living with B pretty permanently, myself."
He doesn't necessarily mean to be obtuse, if he even is. Raylan's a smart guy, and given what they're talking about, he might very well pick up on it. But it's still hard for Steve to come out and say when good things have happened. It's like the universe will hear, and get other ideas.
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"Yeah?" He claps a hand on Steve's shoulder briefly. "Congratulations! If we were anywhere normal, I'd absolutely suggest a double date night-" He'd lived in Suburbia for a few years, he knew how it could work.
"-But without the actual goin' out, its a little less fun. Though a round or three of pool.." It was an idea.
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The suggestion does make him laugh, trying to picture it. But he and B used to do things with Godric. Not dates, of course. But still. They haven't done anything like that in a long time. It would be... nice, he thinks. And actually pretty normal, even in a place that isn't.
Hopefully it won't blow up in his face.
"Being someplace normal is overrated," he says, glancing up. "But that sounds nice. Last time I was on a double date, both our dates were into - well. He was going by Bucky, back then. God bless him, he'd always try to find me someone, but it never went well."
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"I think we could work somethin' out. A picnic and.. Volleyball or somethin', I don't know. And there's no chance that B's gonna steal the stage of attraction, so you're at least safe there," he says with a chuckle. It wasn't that B wasn't an attractive man, or Steve either, but Raylan liked these kinds of situations because there wasn't that worry or competition.
It was a far cry from brunch and cheese and wine dates, the marriage fare, but he liked it.
"What do you guys not like doin' I suppose would be the easier place to start."
no subject
"You know, I've never played volleyball," he muses, trying to picture it. "Could be interesting."
Although as for what they don't like: "I guess I'm not big on swimming," he admits, grimacing a little. "Beaches are fine, though - people play volleyball in the sand, right?" And Flint is probably (possibly, at least) pretty fond of beaches and water, he'd guess.