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Epilogue of TLV
The Admiral had dropped Raylan off, just where he'd promised. Next to his car, out at a random gas station that was a twenty minutes out of Miami, with a duffle bag of goods in hand. Raylan takes a good five minutes standing there, breathing the fresh, if exhaust tainted, air and flexing his fist around the duffle bag handles. He had thought he'd take showing up here alone in stride, but the solitude, the isolation, the loneliness, it was stark in its contrast in a way that dug into him.
He was home. Right back into the empty and cold comfort situation he'd been in before. He was, technically, on vacation for a week and with a hesitant touch to his forehead to confirm the healing shotscar, he remembered why. Boone. Raylan had been in Miami all of two weeks when the Admiral found him. Long enough to find an apartment. He could feel the keys in his pocket.
Finally, he starts moving, getting into his car and starting it up. He pulls out his cellphone and dials Winona's number.
"Hey Winona. Is everythin' alright?" There wasn't any reason why there should be but Raylan's first act was going to be checking up on her and Willa.
"Everythin's fine Raylan, why? Did something happen?"
"No no," he quickly assures. "No, I just- Hey, look, I know it's late but I'd like to stop by for a few minutes."
"Raylan, it's four in the mornin'," she remarks tiredly. "I don't wanna wake Willa either, by movin' around. Can it wait until tomorrow?"
"I just need to see you two. I'll stay up with her if she wakes up, I promise. I told you I wouldn't show up unannounced, and I wanna honor that."
"Don't you have work?"
"Not til later today." Another lie, but a serviceable one. "Please?"
Winona sighs on the other side of the call, put out and annoyed and exhausted. "Fine, but I swear to god, if she starts bitching, you're taking her the rest of the day and I'm gettin' a hotel."
He smiles a little to himself and nods, even if she won't see it.
"I'll even foot the bill, if you want. I'll be there in a bit, I've got the key."
Winona 'mmhmms' her agreement and hangs up on him, leaving him staring at his phone before glancing at his empty passengers seat and throwing his car into gear. Two years away hadn't diminished his memory at all, the twenty minutes flew by, and he even took a minute to enjoy the raw joy of riding around. God had he missed this. He was already looking forward to his first long drive, his first hot, served meal, his first cold beer he doesn't have to do anything other than show up and pay for to get.
Slipping into Winona's house was easy and he didn't bother going to his ex-ex's room, beelining for Willa's nursery and starting what he didn't know would be a lifelong routine of coming in to check on her. She was small, all of 8 months, sprawled on her belly, pacifier loose in her mouth. He wasn't going to disturb her. He wasn't going to disturb her! He just.. had to put a hand that looked too large on her tiny back to feel her breathe steadily. She was small enough that he could feel her heartbeat under his palm, ticking away without a care in the world. Knowing he was going to spend the rest of his life, the rest of his time with her watching her grow into the young lady he loves on the Barge, meant he could push most of the emotion away for right now.
Willa was safe. She was still here, still whole, still perfect.
A touch on his arm brought him out of his reverie and he looked over at Winona with glassy eyes an uneven breath. Her face pinched in concern as she gently guides his arm back from touching Willa. He'd been standing there for nearly ten minutes, and she'd seen him on the nanny cam, but Raylan Givens didn't often look like this and it was worrying for all sorts of reasons.
He hesitates a moment at the door, stealing one last long look at his daughter before closing the door back up. Winona asked him what was wrong, of course, should she be worried, but he assuages her concerns, and she knew better than to push. It was still four in the morning, and he still needed to leave. Torn between wanting nothing but a plate full of greasy diner food and starting to chew his own liver, Raylan opts for the latter.
Standing outside his first story apartment, he considers the windows and the dark empty waiting for him and wishes again that Neal had come with him directly. It felt like as soon as he opened that door and got around to his waiting, his choice became real. It was over. All of it was over and he wasn't sure his life had moved an inch. A million promises made, and the only one he was sure in this exact moment he could rely on was the Admiral's. He wasn't tired at all, despite having been up all day already, and he knew that the closer it got to the next evening, the closer he was to a bottle.
But there was still a spark of faith, of real hope that it would only be a few hours, and then Neal would show up on his doorstep.
He could at least make sure there was a light on and someone waiting for Neal, if he was coming.
If not, Raylan was going out for that full stack meal at a reasonable time of day, check in with his job to figure out how many days left he had to kill before he could go do the only thing that never left him as comfort.
A case.
He was home. Right back into the empty and cold comfort situation he'd been in before. He was, technically, on vacation for a week and with a hesitant touch to his forehead to confirm the healing shotscar, he remembered why. Boone. Raylan had been in Miami all of two weeks when the Admiral found him. Long enough to find an apartment. He could feel the keys in his pocket.
Finally, he starts moving, getting into his car and starting it up. He pulls out his cellphone and dials Winona's number.
Willa is always the number one priority
"Hey Winona. Is everythin' alright?" There wasn't any reason why there should be but Raylan's first act was going to be checking up on her and Willa.
"Everythin's fine Raylan, why? Did something happen?"
"No no," he quickly assures. "No, I just- Hey, look, I know it's late but I'd like to stop by for a few minutes."
"Raylan, it's four in the mornin'," she remarks tiredly. "I don't wanna wake Willa either, by movin' around. Can it wait until tomorrow?"
"I just need to see you two. I'll stay up with her if she wakes up, I promise. I told you I wouldn't show up unannounced, and I wanna honor that."
"Don't you have work?"
"Not til later today." Another lie, but a serviceable one. "Please?"
Winona sighs on the other side of the call, put out and annoyed and exhausted. "Fine, but I swear to god, if she starts bitching, you're taking her the rest of the day and I'm gettin' a hotel."
He smiles a little to himself and nods, even if she won't see it.
"I'll even foot the bill, if you want. I'll be there in a bit, I've got the key."
Winona 'mmhmms' her agreement and hangs up on him, leaving him staring at his phone before glancing at his empty passengers seat and throwing his car into gear. Two years away hadn't diminished his memory at all, the twenty minutes flew by, and he even took a minute to enjoy the raw joy of riding around. God had he missed this. He was already looking forward to his first long drive, his first hot, served meal, his first cold beer he doesn't have to do anything other than show up and pay for to get.
Slipping into Winona's house was easy and he didn't bother going to his ex-ex's room, beelining for Willa's nursery and starting what he didn't know would be a lifelong routine of coming in to check on her. She was small, all of 8 months, sprawled on her belly, pacifier loose in her mouth. He wasn't going to disturb her. He wasn't going to disturb her! He just.. had to put a hand that looked too large on her tiny back to feel her breathe steadily. She was small enough that he could feel her heartbeat under his palm, ticking away without a care in the world. Knowing he was going to spend the rest of his life, the rest of his time with her watching her grow into the young lady he loves on the Barge, meant he could push most of the emotion away for right now.
Willa was safe. She was still here, still whole, still perfect.
A touch on his arm brought him out of his reverie and he looked over at Winona with glassy eyes an uneven breath. Her face pinched in concern as she gently guides his arm back from touching Willa. He'd been standing there for nearly ten minutes, and she'd seen him on the nanny cam, but Raylan Givens didn't often look like this and it was worrying for all sorts of reasons.
He hesitates a moment at the door, stealing one last long look at his daughter before closing the door back up. Winona asked him what was wrong, of course, should she be worried, but he assuages her concerns, and she knew better than to push. It was still four in the morning, and he still needed to leave. Torn between wanting nothing but a plate full of greasy diner food and starting to chew his own liver, Raylan opts for the latter.
Standing outside his first story apartment, he considers the windows and the dark empty waiting for him and wishes again that Neal had come with him directly. It felt like as soon as he opened that door and got around to his waiting, his choice became real. It was over. All of it was over and he wasn't sure his life had moved an inch. A million promises made, and the only one he was sure in this exact moment he could rely on was the Admiral's. He wasn't tired at all, despite having been up all day already, and he knew that the closer it got to the next evening, the closer he was to a bottle.
But there was still a spark of faith, of real hope that it would only be a few hours, and then Neal would show up on his doorstep.
He could at least make sure there was a light on and someone waiting for Neal, if he was coming.
..
If not, Raylan was going out for that full stack meal at a reasonable time of day, check in with his job to figure out how many days left he had to kill before he could go do the only thing that never left him as comfort.
A case.
arrival
He doesn't have much. A suitcase, a shoulder bag, his cat in George's carrier. George is reacting less well to the uptick in noise. Either he remembers the circumstances Neal found him in, or he's generally nervous, but either way Neal wants to get him inside as quickly as possible.
Still, he pauses at the buzzer to get in the building's front door. A weird little bubble of nerves pops in his gut, makes his scalp tingle, and in spite of having a copy of the key, he pushes the bell next to Raylan's apartment number.
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The buzz of the ringer was too loud in the otherwise empty apartment, and Raylan's head swivels towards the speaker as he gets up, long stepping over to it. As much as everything in him defaulted to 'I've been away 2 and a half years', he struggled to not let his mind settle on his hope of relief. All the better to avoid disappointment. Except it gripped at him anyway, leading to a moment of silence after he pushes and holds his speak button.
"Hello?" He tried to sound normal about it. He wasn't sure he succeeded at all and in a flash, wished that he had enough free equity around to afford living in a place that provided cameras at the doors.
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"Hey stranger. Someone told me I could crash with you."
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"I was startin' to think you weren't comin'," he admits with a husk in Neal's ear before pulling back and looking him over. "Are you okay? You want me to take anythin'?"
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"Yeah, of course, right here," he says, ushering Neal to and through the door of their apartment so he could close it behind them. It was only then that he really bothered to look at the stuff Neal was carrying and notice the cat carrier. "Oh god, I completely forgot about the cat."
He would have gotten things. Food, litter, a box for the litter to live in - but that would be easily remedied. As soon as Neal had set his things down, Raylan was stepping in to wrap an arm around his waist and kiss him like he deserved to be kissed. Passionate and grateful and so goddamned happy to see him.
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Oh, and then Raylan is kissing him. Neal relaxes into it and closes his eyes, a little tingle of surreality making his chest flutter.
This is real. This is real, he's in Florida, with Raylan, for real. For as long as he wants to stay.
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"Only thing on my mind is makin' you comfortable. You an' George. And there's always a store within a 5 minute or so drive, we can hook George up in a bit." Easy things to take care of.
He lets Neal out of the embrace but keeps a light hand on his upper arm like he was worried that the New Yorker would dissipate into vapor if he didn't. Just give him a minute, he'll adjust.