[ Maybe fathers never leave their sons. Maybe Logan will always be in the corner of his mind, even after all of the hard work, calling him a moron, dangling titles and responsibilities and love like it's a transaction.
Maybe Raylan's dad wasn't that far off of that, either. Shriveled. Ugly.
Important. ]
If I do, I can just....Y'know. Tell you? Talk about it, right?
[Raylan's eyes come back up from their wander to Roman's face at the question, soft and serious.]
Course you can. Whenever you need. This shit is.. wild and wildly painful to walk around with things you can't change, words you aren't ever gonna get or get to say..
[He nods a little, a reassurance of his answer before letting his eyes drift back down a little, mostly to help Roman from feeling maybe too seen.]
Helps to have someone who knows a little somethin' about what its like. [He would continue to prove that he was here for Roman, whenever the younger man needed him. Roman graduating didn't change a thing between them, except that Raylan isn't tracking him around the ship now.]
I don't talk about it. To anyone. Didn't talk about a lot of things, before here. Couldn't stand the idea of people pityin' me and all the 'my condolences' and the worst of 'em all - 'he's in a better place'. [One hand gestures out with the words, swaying back and forth, to and fro with the recited lip service. It was insulting with all the shit Arlo had done. Not with as much as Raylan wishes he could have put the mean old bastard in the ground. Raylan scoffs softly and shakes his head.]
Arlo doesn't deserve to be remembered. He's done enough damage in the world. And I know it's an easy out for me too- [He glances up with the importance of the acknowledgement. Malcolm would be so proud.] It lets me not think about him or look at it at all.
You aren't gonna get that luxury and I don't want you comin' back here. [He softens his voice a little, eyebrows lifting in his earnest question.] You understand?
[ This seems like... not a warning. Not even concern, although there's some of that, but there's a soft finality that weighs down Raylan's words more than a raised voice could ever convey. It's not the first time that Roman's sure Raylan's going to be a great dad, but it definitely reminds him.
Earnestness deserves earnestness in turn, and Roman nods softly, a hand moving up to his ear, middle finger grazing against his earlobe. ]
I'm not going to. You couldn't pay me to deal with all of this bullshit a second time. I'm scared straight, honest.
You know you can, like.. Talk about it and stuff if you want to. And even if you don't want to, you still can.
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At least this time he has someone to talk to. Someone he can trust. And in turn, Raylan's trusting him. ]
Like, he haunted you?
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[He takes and lets a deep breath.]
But I say that to say.. Don't be hard on yourself if you feel some.. Odd shit, okay?
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[ Maybe fathers never leave their sons. Maybe Logan will always be in the corner of his mind, even after all of the hard work, calling him a moron, dangling titles and responsibilities and love like it's a transaction.
Maybe Raylan's dad wasn't that far off of that, either. Shriveled. Ugly.
Important. ]
If I do, I can just....Y'know. Tell you? Talk about it, right?
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Course you can. Whenever you need. This shit is.. wild and wildly painful to walk around with things you can't change, words you aren't ever gonna get or get to say..
[He nods a little, a reassurance of his answer before letting his eyes drift back down a little, mostly to help Roman from feeling maybe too seen.]
Helps to have someone who knows a little somethin' about what its like. [He would continue to prove that he was here for Roman, whenever the younger man needed him. Roman graduating didn't change a thing between them, except that Raylan isn't tracking him around the ship now.]
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[ Roman's voice is surprisingly soft. ]
Did you have anyone?
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I don't talk about it. To anyone. Didn't talk about a lot of things, before here. Couldn't stand the idea of people pityin' me and all the 'my condolences' and the worst of 'em all - 'he's in a better place'. [One hand gestures out with the words, swaying back and forth, to and fro with the recited lip service. It was insulting with all the shit Arlo had done. Not with as much as Raylan wishes he could have put the mean old bastard in the ground. Raylan scoffs softly and shakes his head.]
Arlo doesn't deserve to be remembered. He's done enough damage in the world. And I know it's an easy out for me too- [He glances up with the importance of the acknowledgement. Malcolm would be so proud.] It lets me not think about him or look at it at all.
You aren't gonna get that luxury and I don't want you comin' back here. [He softens his voice a little, eyebrows lifting in his earnest question.] You understand?
no subject
Earnestness deserves earnestness in turn, and Roman nods softly, a hand moving up to his ear, middle finger grazing against his earlobe. ]
I'm not going to. You couldn't pay me to deal with all of this bullshit a second time. I'm scared straight, honest.
You know you can, like.. Talk about it and stuff if you want to. And even if you don't want to, you still can.