"Why wouldn't I? The whole mechanic has been tested again and again by folks here. Wardens, inmates. Wardens who die and then become inmates. You died. I died. And my temper doesn't usually end with someone dead." Just lightly battered, possibly shot, it's fine.
"I coulda shot Izzy. For havin' his blade against my throat. But I didn't, because of Willa. You-" He stops and licks his lips.
"You're used to having people. Having people watch your back and help you. The navy, your crew, Miranda. I've lived my entire life relying on myself alone. The Marshal's service will come in now and then but largely.. I've learned how to do it, how to keep myself out of the worst of trouble, and believe it or not, I'm good at it. Gotten myself outta more dangerous situations than the Barge has put us in with no mechanic to lean back on to bring me back to life.. That experience, those skills, have to matter otherwise what- I've just been lucky my whole life?" He shakes his head a little.
"Feels dismissive to categorize it like that. And I know, just because I've been doin' it on my own my whole live doesn't mean that I can't share any of it but--" He sighs out, jaw tensing a little. "I keep it in line for so long. It feels like a primal right to be able to have that emotion now and then without gettin' shit on for feeling a Thing. I can handle everyone else havin' an opinion on it. Their opinion doesn't matter. But I can't share my temper like that. If I need help, when I need help, I promise I will say somethin' to you. But when I don't, when I just want to go and do my job for a few minutes, the way I've been doing it for over twenty years.."
"You know that's why Winona left me, right? Because I was dedicated to my job and doin' it the way I've always been doin' it. She got tired of bein' worried about if I was gonna come home. I don't blame her but.. I always came home."
no subject
"I coulda shot Izzy. For havin' his blade against my throat. But I didn't, because of Willa. You-" He stops and licks his lips.
"You're used to having people. Having people watch your back and help you. The navy, your crew, Miranda. I've lived my entire life relying on myself alone. The Marshal's service will come in now and then but largely.. I've learned how to do it, how to keep myself out of the worst of trouble, and believe it or not, I'm good at it. Gotten myself outta more dangerous situations than the Barge has put us in with no mechanic to lean back on to bring me back to life.. That experience, those skills, have to matter otherwise what- I've just been lucky my whole life?" He shakes his head a little.
"Feels dismissive to categorize it like that. And I know, just because I've been doin' it on my own my whole live doesn't mean that I can't share any of it but--" He sighs out, jaw tensing a little. "I keep it in line for so long. It feels like a primal right to be able to have that emotion now and then without gettin' shit on for feeling a Thing. I can handle everyone else havin' an opinion on it. Their opinion doesn't matter. But I can't share my temper like that. If I need help, when I need help, I promise I will say somethin' to you. But when I don't, when I just want to go and do my job for a few minutes, the way I've been doing it for over twenty years.."
"You know that's why Winona left me, right? Because I was dedicated to my job and doin' it the way I've always been doin' it. She got tired of bein' worried about if I was gonna come home. I don't blame her but.. I always came home."